This project started out as an attempt to document my hometown. While I was studying photography at college I borrowed a large format camera on a regular basis to go out and shoot landscapes on black and white film. I then switched to digital and started shooting colour when I graduated in order to streamline my workflow. I made this switch somewhat coincidently around the same time I was diagnosed with bipolar after having a nervous breakdown. It was not my original plan to show these two very different approaches together in one book. However once I realised I made the switch at such a pivotal moment in my life, I noticed the photographs could speak more about my self than the place that I was raised. I began to see my shadow, no matter how invisible it may seem, was hanging over every single image. During the editing process certain themes began to emerge. Things that had broken, falling apart or even discarded had became an ever present feature. I have a connection to such weaknesses’ because of an ever present depression and anxiety that I have to combat on a daily basis. These photograph’s are also met by their antidote and we see things that have been mended, improved or adjusted. Often we see things repaired in a make shift manner capturing a human battle against the elements. I see these battles akin to me reaching for help and attempting different methods to counteract my illness. Some of these attempts more successful than others. Photographs of pathways lead us to barriers in the form of doors, walls, windows and fences. Sometimes my bipolar spirals out of control and I can become paranoid of the world and I start to question these types obstacles. We find moments of experimental mark making throughout the book some intentional and others by accident. With paranoia my thoughts can become confused and deranged which leads me to read in to messages that were not intended for me or anyone for that matter. Photographs of things being tethered or strung together also reoccur throughout the work. I have an affinity to this theme which have come to represent the times that I have to show restraint against intrusive thoughts. I now see the change from shooting film to digital had inadvertently documented the before and after of my diagnosis. The ups and downs of my mental health are weaved through this archive of images. These photograph capture a physical place that has influenced my state of mind as well as exposing how me mental health directs my gaze. Nature and nurture became tangled up and walking around my hometown had become a trip inside my own head. This photographic exploration made it hard to separate myself from the place. So this book invites you into my subconscious to see the world through the eyes of someone with a mental health condition. You will discover the endless cycle of peaks and troughs that come about when dealing with a psychological problem. It might seem that combining the high and lows is LIKE TRYING TO MIX OIL WITH WATER. This is a task that is perceived as being a impossible to complete but with the right treatment it can be done.
Like Trying To Mix Oil With Water is a photo book that doesn’t contain any text, only the above text on the back cover. However I would like to use this space to translate some of the sequences in the book to help explain what I am trying to achieve. Starting here with this photograph of my own footprint which is used on the front cover. The project documents my environment and the photographs act like a mirror that can reveal something about myself. A footstep a metaphor of how we leave are mark on the world. I don’t just take pictures, I take everything I need from this planet. Creating a debt that will never be re-payed. As I experience the ups and downs of my life the world just keeps giving. When Im gone the planet will keep providing, reflecting, spinning, orbiting. What once was part of me will be recycled back in to the earth. Back in to the Mud.
The book opens with a series of photographs of a discarded fishing line and a crashed car both by a river. Fish being used as bait. Followed by a covered fishing boat and the other vehicles that have been propped up for repair or more so looking at the objects used to prop them up. This in the series that focus’ on our basic needs and how different materials and tools are used to provide these basic needs. Complexity is apparent no matter how basic these needs might seem.
In this sequence we see barriers that offer different levels of privacy and security. Eventually focusing on heras fencing which is used to fence of building works and can be arranged in to different forms. This shape morphs from something geometric to something more organic. A nest, a bunch of wire, a cinder block, a cluster of wool. This is an exploration of another basic need, a shelter. Again exploring the work that goes in to providing this for ourselves and others.
Next we see birds flying around over head shot from one position, A man reading a book, the books pages flexed like that of a bird in flight. In this passage I’m taking notice of time passing. Sometimes we need time out from providing our basic needs. In those moments life goes on around us and we can use this time to reflect on the world. Photography is a mindful act and gives us perspective on life and ourselves.
The passing of time comes to the end of the day in this sequence as we see the light fade. As the light fades we also see the focus shift towards trees. Then we hone in on a tree stump of a removed tree. Then we look at where that tree could end up in the form of wood. This is to show the cycle of life and how the end of one thing becomes the beginning of another. After suffering a nervous breakdown, I had to start again, in a new light.
Leading on from there we come to the last picture of plank of wood which has stones placed upon it. The following image looks at a line drawn on the ground that could have been drawn with one of those stones. Following on we see other routes like the one water takes when draining from a path to the road. We also see other routes that are more abstract that take your eye across the page. A man in the snow avoids the icy footpath. We often have a plan on how best to move forward after obstacles in our life but we often have to adjust as the environment changes.
Here we see different forms of mark making. First via some DIY tree surgery. Followed by names carved in to concrete. Birds excrement on a man made footpath. A tree that has been toppled because of a passing river. This sequence looks to explore how we often leave our mark on our surroundings. Sometimes this is intentional but often it is not. We are merely trying to address our own issues as we make our way in life.
In this particular passage we see a note clinging on to a shutter in the wind. Branches hanging on to the tree they broke away from by a thread. We find other things that have already fallen to the ground. Followed in turn by a mended rope and a metal fence fixed with a plastic cable tie. Having a diagnosis for my mental health is not the end of it affecting my life. This series showing the work that goes in to correcting my illness again and again.
As we now see previous themes repeat we also see a theme that runs for longest period in the work. The theme of objects being tethered begins to feature heavily. As we see things tied up in all different ways, fabric suspended in a bush, lights hung in tree, a dog on a lead, a chain hanging from a close food van. This showing how we try and control are environment, are belongings, even other animals but for me its a reflection of how I show restraint against my condition.
Towards the end of the book we find things breaking down further in to even smaller pieces, strawberry leaves, a ripped up scratch card, a wrecked car, broken glass. In the midst of these image lies some broken pottery that someone has tried to piece back together. As we get older we gain more experience and learn how to combat are troubles. Still, life ultimately teaches us that nothing last forever. I can become consumed by my bipolar but I must prevent it from consuming all of my time before its too late.
